Step Six Deep Dive: Becoming Entirely Ready for Change

The Text of Step Six

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

Step Six is sometimes called the "forgotten step" — it receives less attention in the literature and in meetings than the more dramatic Steps that surround it. But it addresses one of the most subtle and important aspects of recovery: the question of whether we actually want to change. Not whether we want the consequences of our character defects to stop — most people want that — but whether we are willing to give up the defects themselves.

The Paradox of Attachment to Defects

The central insight of Step Six is that character defects — the patterns of thinking and behavior that have caused harm — are not simply problems to be solved. They are, in many cases, solutions to other problems. They developed for reasons. They have served purposes. And even when they have caused enormous harm, they may feel like essential parts of who we are.

Consider some common examples. A person whose primary defect is dishonesty may have learned to lie as a child in an environment where honesty was dangerous. The dishonesty protected them then, and it may still feel like protection now, even when it is causing harm. A person whose defect is people-pleasing may have learned that their safety depended on keeping others happy. The people-pleasing feels like kindness, even when it is actually a form of self-abandonment. A person whose defect is anger may have learned that anger was the only emotion that felt safe to express, or the only one that produced results.

Step Six asks us to become willing to give up these protective patterns — not because they were never useful, but because they are no longer serving us, and because the harm they cause outweighs the protection they provide.

What "Entirely Ready" Means

The word "entirely" in Step Six is significant. It does not mean that the person has already given up their defects — it means that they are willing to have them removed. And "entirely" means all of them, not just the ones that are easy to relinquish.

In practice, most people find that they are more ready to give up some defects than others. The defects that have caused the most obvious harm — the ones that have cost them relationships, jobs, or freedom — are usually the easiest to be willing to release. The defects that feel more like virtues, or that are more deeply embedded in one's sense of identity, are harder.

The Big Book acknowledges this difficulty: "Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all — every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing to let go."

This last sentence is important: if one is not entirely ready, the Step suggests asking for the willingness to become ready. This is a recursive move — using the program's spiritual resources to address the very resistance that is blocking progress. It reflects the program's fundamental insight that willingness, like belief, is something that can be cultivated rather than simply possessed or not possessed.

Defects vs. Assets

An important nuance in Step Six is the distinction between character defects and character assets. The defects identified in Step Four are not the whole of a person's character — they are the distorted or excessive expressions of qualities that, in their healthy form, are genuine strengths.

For example, the defect of people-pleasing is a distortion of the genuine virtue of kindness and consideration for others. The defect of perfectionism is a distortion of the genuine virtue of conscientiousness and high standards. The defect of anger is a distortion of the genuine virtue of passion and the capacity for righteous indignation.

Step Six is not asking for the removal of these underlying qualities — it is asking for the removal of their distorted, harmful expressions. The goal is not to become a person without strong feelings or strong opinions, but to become a person whose feelings and opinions are expressed in ways that are honest, proportionate, and considerate of others.

Step Six and Psychological Growth

Step Six has significant parallels with concepts in modern psychology, particularly in the area of schema therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). Schema therapy identifies "early maladaptive schemas" — patterns of thinking and feeling that developed in response to childhood experiences and that continue to drive behavior in adulthood, often in ways that are harmful. ACT emphasizes the importance of psychological flexibility — the willingness to experience difficult thoughts and feelings without being controlled by them.

Both of these frameworks, like Step Six, recognize that genuine change requires more than behavioral modification — it requires a willingness to examine and release the underlying patterns that drive behavior. The person who changes their behavior without addressing the underlying patterns will typically find that the same patterns express themselves in new, equally harmful ways.

Working Step Six with a Sponsor

Step Six is typically worked in close collaboration with a sponsor. The sponsor's role is to help the person identify the character defects that emerged from their Fourth Step inventory, to explore the ways in which those defects have served protective functions, and to support the development of genuine willingness to release them.

A good sponsor will not rush Step Six. The willingness that Step Six requires is not something that can be forced — it must be genuinely felt. The sponsor who pushes a sponsee to claim readiness they do not feel is not helping them; they are setting them up for the kind of superficial compliance that produces no real change. The goal is genuine willingness, and genuine willingness takes the time it takes.

The sponsor can also help the person distinguish between character defects and character assets — between the distorted expressions of qualities that, in their healthy form, are genuine strengths. This distinction is important for maintaining a balanced self-assessment: the person working Step Six is not a collection of defects, but a person with genuine strengths who is working to express those strengths more fully and less harmfully.

The Relationship Between Steps Six and Seven

Steps Six and Seven are closely linked — Step Six is the preparation, and Step Seven is the action. The willingness developed in Step Six is the foundation for the humble request of Step Seven. Without genuine willingness, the prayer of Step Seven is merely words; with genuine willingness, it is a sincere expression of the desire for transformation.

The transition from Step Six to Step Seven is not always a sharp line. Some people find that they move back and forth between the two Steps — developing willingness for some defects, asking for their removal, then returning to Step Six to develop willingness for others. This is entirely appropriate. The Steps are not a linear checklist; they are a spiral process in which the same themes are revisited at deeper levels over time.