Step Nine Work Guide: Making Direct Amends with Integrity

Preparing for Each Amends

Before making each amends, prepare carefully. Talk to your sponsor about the specific amends you are planning. Think through what you want to say, how the person might respond, and how you will handle difficult responses. Write out what you plan to say if that helps you prepare.

The Structure of a Direct Amends

A direct amends typically includes three elements:

1. Acknowledgment: A specific, honest acknowledgment of the harm you caused. Not "I'm sorry if I hurt you" but "I lied to you about [specific thing], and that was wrong."
2. Expression of regret: A genuine expression of regret for the harm caused. This is not self-flagellation — it is honest acknowledgment of the impact of your actions.
3. What you are doing to make it right: A statement of what you are doing or willing to do to repair the harm. This might be financial restitution, changed behavior, or simply the commitment to be honest going forward.

Exercise 1: Writing Your Amends

For each person on your amends list, write out what you plan to say. Be specific. Be honest. Focus on the harm you caused, not on explaining or justifying your behavior.

Handling Difficult Responses

Not everyone will respond to your amends with forgiveness or gratitude. Some people will be angry. Some will be indifferent. Some will not want to hear from you at all. Write about how you will handle each of these responses without becoming defensive or making the conversation about your own feelings.

Indirect Amends

For people to whom direct amends would cause harm, or who cannot be reached, write about how you will make indirect amends. Options include: financial restitution paid anonymously, service in the community, or the living amends of changed behavior over time.

After Each Amends

After making each amends, write in your journal about the experience. What happened? How did the person respond? How do you feel? What did you learn?

Questions for Discussion with Your Sponsor

• Which amends am I most afraid to make, and what is the fear?
• How will I handle it if the person does not forgive me?
• Are there amends I am avoiding? Why?
• How is making amends changing my relationship with myself?

Exercise 5: The Financial Amends Plan

For any financial harms on your amends list — debts unpaid, money stolen or borrowed and not returned, financial obligations not met — develop a concrete plan for making restitution. Write out: who is owed, how much, and what your plan is for repaying them. If you cannot repay immediately, write about what you can do — a partial payment, a payment plan, a commitment to pay when you are able. Financial amends are often the most concrete and the most important for rebuilding trust.

Exercise 6: The Living Amends

For some people on your list — particularly family members who have been affected by your addiction over a long period — the most meaningful amends is not a single conversation but a sustained change in behavior over time. This is called a "living amends." Write about the people on your list for whom a living amends is most appropriate. What specific changes in your behavior would constitute a living amends to each of them? How will you demonstrate, over time, that you have genuinely changed?

Exercise 7: Processing Difficult Responses

Not every amends will be received well. Some people will be angry. Some will be indifferent. Some will not want to hear from you. Write about how you will handle each of these responses without becoming defensive, without making the conversation about your own feelings, and without abandoning the amends process because it is uncomfortable.

Remember: the goal of the amends is not to receive forgiveness — it is to repair harm and to restore your own integrity. The other person's response is not within your control. What is within your control is the quality and sincerity of your amends.

Signs That You Have Genuinely Worked Step Nine

You have genuinely worked Step Nine when:

• You have made direct amends to everyone on your list for whom direct amends are appropriate
• You have developed plans for amends that cannot be made immediately
• You have made indirect amends for situations where direct amends would cause harm
• You have begun the living amends of sustained changed behavior
• You feel a sense of freedom and integrity that comes from having addressed the harm you have caused
• You are ready to begin the maintenance work of Step Ten